Eternal Families—Temple Sealings: The Discussion Continues

In response to my last post on Eternal Families—Temple Sealings,
Anonymous said...

I guess that leaves me wondering.... In the end isn't EVERYBODY sealed to EVERYBODY? We are all "brothers and sisters" and if we go back far enough we are all related because we are ALL sons and daughters of one Heavenly Father and Mother right?

Most children marry and have their own family in their life. Why is is necessary to be sealed to parents and children throughout every genteration when it all boils down to who your spouse is? That is the one true person that you are with. Parents have each other and chilren leave you to choose their own spouse.

So to me, that is a lot to keep track of when eventually the "temple work" of all is done once deceased, and the rules change anyway based on the circumstances of the situation.
I know that I am a daughter of a Heavenly Father who loves me. I am a good person, obey the commandments, and care for my fellow man. But in the end, do I believe that my loving Father in Heaven will keep me from my family because we are not technically "sealed"?! No. I don't.

Dear Annonymous-

Thank you so much for sharing your insights.  I too have had these very same thoughts as I have contemplated sealings and their purpose.  And, discussions such as these are the very reason I have this blog. 

You are absolutely correct.  The ultimate goal is for us all to be sealed to one another as one big eternal family, as we are "ALL sons and daughters of one Heavenly Father and Mother."  And, like you said, your spouse is the person for whom you have the most responsibility and with whom you become "one". 

"Why [then] is it necessary to be sealed to parents and children throughout every generation when it all boils down to who your spouse is?"  In my mind, this question stems from viewing sealings as simply a binding or union between individuals.  But, sealings are so much more than that.  They involve responsibility for and covenants made between individuals and with the Lord (as well as promised blessings from the Lord).  Therefore, there is, indeed, great meaning and purpose to sealings between spouses as well as between parents and children.  The covenants one makes when sealed bring eternal blessings and also are a form of true Christlike Charity (i.e., love of Christ) that allow us to truly live as an eternal family.

So, why are we sealed on earth, when we can be sealed after death by living proxies who attend the temple?  This is an excellent question.  Again, if a sealing was simply a "bond", I guess it wouldn't make any difference.  But, since a sealing involves eternal, committed covenants and numerous blessings, why would we not want to be sealed now and enjoy those blessings during this, our mortal life?  Also, I feel that making sealing covenants and commitments at the time of marriage (or as soon as we are worthy to do so), strengthens marital and parental relationships.  It's like everything of value in this life:  the more we put into it, the more we value it (and vice versa).  When I am sealed to my husband and children, I am committing myself to them and their well-being for eternity, not just for this mortal life.  Because sealings require eternal covenants from those involved, even those performed by proxy for those who are deceased are not binding without those individuals accepting and committing to those covenants themselves (the same is true for all ordinances performed in the temple by proxy for the dead—those for whom the ordinances are performed can choose whether or not to accept them—they still have their agency).

As for the "rules [changing] anyway based on the circumstances of the situation" (I assume you are referring to whether or not a sealing cancelation is granted.  Please correct me if I am misunderstanding):

I, personally, wouldn't phrase it as that the "rules change" for each circumstance.  It seems to me more accurate to say that the outcome varies depending on the circumstances.  Ultimately, the outcome is based entirely on the agency of those involved, not just with regard to whether or not two people are sealed or have their sealing canceled, but with regard to the blessings they are entitled too.  For example, if a couple is sealed, and then one spouse abuses and abandons the other, then, even if the couple never requested that their sealing being canceled, the abuser/abandoner would no longer be entitled to the blessings associated to that sealing (without fully repenting) as that individual has voided such blessings by shirking their responsibility.  However, the innocent spouse (and children) would still be entitled to all their blessings if they continue to hold true to their covenants.  Does that make sense?

Finally, as you said, you ARE "a daughter of a Heavenly Father who loves [you]."  That knowledge alone brings so many blessings in this life, where it is so easy to feel lost or alone.  Our Father in Heaven loves us ALL, even those who may not even consider themselves good, those who have made the worst of mistakes, etc.  His love is unconditional and eternal.  He is pleased when we make correct choices and follow His commandments; but, that is not because of pride or an authority complex.  He is pleased because He loves us as dearly and deeply as any parent could love and wants us to be happy.  This is why He has provided commandments for us--He knows that abiding by the commandments will give us that never-ending, enduring happiness that He so desperately wants for us.

Our Father in Heaven is ready and willing to give us all that He has.  And, He has prepared the way to make it possible for us to obtain that and achieve incomprehensible joy if we choose too.  So, you are right, in the end, would a loving Father in Heaven prevent us from being with our eternal family based on a technicality?  NO!  In fact, I strongly believe even if there are those who die without being sealed, and of whom records are never found to perform those ordinances by proxy, that the Lord has a way for them to receive those saving ordinances.  The Lord would never keep you from your family.  His ultimate goal is to bring us back home to Him.  Only WE have the power to keep us from our families.  We, like our Father in Heaven, must abide by natural, eternal laws.  If we refuse to commit to/care for/love our family, we will be unable to be with them (in essence, we would be exercising our agency and choosing not to be with them).  Like I mentioned above, even those who have passed on and for whom ordinances are performed by proxy have to accept those ordinances for them to be in effect.  It all comes down to the choice of the individual.

I hope that I have addressed all your questions fully and that this has been helpful in some way.  Please let me know if you have any more questions.  Thank you again for participating in the discussion.

Eternal Families—Temple Sealings

What does being “sealed” mean?  If a couple is sealed in the temple, along with their children, what happens if they divorce?  Can people who have been married in the temple and later divorced get remarried in the temple?   If a couple is sealed in the temple and one parent or the other passes on to eternity and the other parent re-marries and has children with the new spouse, what happens then?  Is the new family sealed together also?  If everyone lives on earth as they should and they all are united with Heavenly Father, what happens with the "mixed" family?

These are all questions that readers have asked with regard to eternal families and temple sealings.  In a world full of “mixed families”, it is only natural that these questions should arise when trying to understand the sealing ordinance performed in the LDS church (Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints).  These questions also stem from viewing sealings as simply being eternally bound to one another.  While a sealing is, indeed, a binding both on earth and for eternity of two individuals, it is so much more than that.  So, beyond the logistics or protocol of who can be sealed to whom, understanding the purpose of the sacred sealing ordinance is so much more enlightening.  Therefore, I will begin by addressing the first question—What does being sealed mean—and explaining the sealing ordinance and the teachings upon which it is founded.  So this is how I see it . . . .

What does being sealed mean?

In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, we do not feel that life ends with death of the mortal body.  We see mortal life as a very small speck of time along the continuum of eternal life.  The choices we make here, in this mortal life, are based on our understanding of eternal life before and after this mortal life.  In other words, we are eternal beings, living eternal lives, not just mortal ones.  So, when we make decisions with regard to family (e.g., marriage, child-bearing, etc.), we view those as eternal commitments, not just mortal ones.

We also value accountability, responsibility, and commitment.  We accept that we are agents, and that Christ’s atoning sacrifice allows us to be such.  So, when we are married in the temple (i.e., sealed to our spouse), we are covenanting to both be committed to and to take responsibility for that person not only for this life, but for eternity.  The same is true when we are sealed to our children, or bear children under the covenant (i.e., bearing of children to parents that have already been sealed to each other):  we are covenanting to be responsible for those children not only for this life, but for eternity.  Consequently, the idea of just giving up on a marriage or on one’s children, because it’s “too hard” or because there are “other things one wants instead” is not viewed as acceptable behavior.  As such, a sealing cancelation is not taken lightly and can be difficult to obtain and requires the consent of both parties involved as well as approval from the leaders of the church.  Couples are always encouraged to work to salvage their marriage whenever possible.

Because we view families in this way, sealings transcend death.  For example, if a sealed couple bears children under the covenant, and the mother dies in child-birth, her mothering responsibilities toward her children have not ended.  By being sealed to those children, she has covenanted to accept an eternal responsibility for rearing those children.  I (as well as likely many other Mormons) believe that this is one way in which guardian angels come into play.  The deceased can continue to watch over, protect, and guide those to whom they have been sealed or have been given a particular responsibility or stewardship.  Similarly, if a child, who has been sealed to his/her parents, dies prematurely, that does not end his/her parents’ responsibility to rear that child.  LDS parents of deceased children understand that despite the death of their child’s mortal body, that child continues to live and remains a part of their family, continuing to be the responsibility of those parents.  (You may visit the blog of my friend, Stephanie, to see how she and her husband have continued to raise their sweet daughter, Camille, who died two years ago at about 14 months of age, and how Camille continues to watch over her family from beyond the veil at http://adailyscoop.blogspot.com/).

In addition to a sealing binding people together eternally, and in addition to a sealing being a covenant between people to take responsibility for one another, a sealing is also a covenant with the Lord, that with it brings blessings with regard to exaltation promised by the Lord.  Part of the reason that we call this ordinance being “sealed” is because it refers to the fact that the Lord is putting His seal or stamp of approval upon the covenant you are making (see the article I reference below).  Children born in the covenant or sealed to their parents are entitled to those promised blessings even if their parents divorce.

So, now that we better understand what the sealing is and why it is performed, let’s address the questions of how the sealing “works” after divorce or death of a spouse/parent:

DIVORCED

If a couple is sealed in the temple, along with their children, what happens if they divorce?  Can people who have been married in the temple and later divorced get remarried in the temple?

If a couple is sealed in the temple, have children, and then later obtain a civil divorce, they remain sealed to one another and their children remain sealed to both parents.  If the couple no longer wants to be sealed to one another, they can request a sealing cancelation from the church.  Such a cancellation requires consent from both the husband and the wife as well as approval from the leaders of the church.  If granted, the couple will no longer be sealed to one another, but their children will remain sealed to both their parents.  If either of the parents remarry, they can, with approval, be sealed to their new spouse. 

WIDOWED

 If a couple is sealed in the temple and one parent or the other passes on to eternity and the other parent re-marries and has children with the new spouse, what happens then?  Is the new family sealed together also?  If everyone lives on earth as they should and they all are united with Heavenly Father, what happens with the "mixed" family?

I started answering this question and it got very confusing to read, because I was trying to be gender-neutral, as the question is written.  So, to make this easier to read, I am going to respond to it as though the mother of the first marriage died: 

If a mother dies, the couple will remain sealed to each other and to their children.  If the father remarries and is sealed to his new wife, and if they have more children of their own, those children will be sealed to their parents as well.  Additionally, because the new wife is sealed to her husband, and the husband is already sealed to his children from his first marriage, there is no need for the new wife to be directly sealed to the children from the first marriage, as she is taking on the responsibility of helping rear her husband’s children by being sealed to him (you could say, that in this sense, the new wife is sealed to her husband’s children through her sealing to their father who, in turn, is sealed to the children).  This, however, does not take away or void the children’s natural mother’s responsibility associated with her sealing to her children and husband.

OTHER MIXED FAMILYL SCENARIOS

Although these other scenarios were not addressed in questions from readers, I thought I would address them, in case any of you may be wondering about them:  What about sealings for adopted children or other children with additional living parents that are not members of the church?

Children who have been legally adopted can be sealed to their adoptive parents and enjoy all the blessings that they would have received, had they been born under the covenant.  Additionally, if a mother/father has a child with someone who is not a member of the church and later marries and is sealed to someone else, that child can, if he/she desires to and with the permission of the natural parent, be sealed to his/her parents that are sealed to each other.

While these different scenarios give a general idea of how specific sealing situations may generally be handled, it is important to note that every sealing is assessed individually and approved/denied according to the individual circumstances of that particular situation and the choices of those who are involved.  Such a sacred ordinance could not, and should not, be approached otherwise.  Understanding that a sealing is a covenant that involves responsibility, commitment, and promised blessings brings to light the fact that who you are sealed to is not as important as the covenants you make with and receive from the Lord and the individuals to whom you are sealed.  Anyway, I hope that this helps clarify understanding of the sealing ordinance and its purpose and how it is applied in specific scenarios.  There is a wonderful article on sealings here for your reference with even more specific information on the covenants and promises involved in sealings.  It also addresses how sealings affect people individually and collectively.  Please let me know if you have any more questions or comments.